The Proposal 23.06.2013

Better write it down early before I forget, or should be we forget… everything got to be plural now….like us, we, family *panics

So this Pingu planned it for some time already by telling me stuff and feeding me with information so to let me feel that he will not be proposing anytime soon. Things like he’s so busy with his work now.. not time for other stuff lah, need to focus on job.. can’t focus on any other stuff. Also in T’ganu no place to buy ring, so if he comes to KL to buy, then I’ll surely know. Plotting to secretly come to KL to buy without my knowledge some more! So I was like confident jer nothing will happen anytime this year.

The night before we go to Langkawi, we met his colleague to collect some 'spare parts' for work. (now I know it was my ring WTF) While they were chatting, I took the bag to have a look inside. Inside I saw two boxes.. a cardboard partially covered box that look like a ring box and another box as well with some paper . Immediately I my mind went… OMG! That looked like a ring box! Did he plan to propose? *panic mode on

Surprisingly, Pingu was just as calm, continude drinking his coffee, NO REACTION. His friend however panicked asked me why I simply go take and see people things! Hahahahha! So I returned it to the table and continue thinking…. If it was a ring, then why got two boxes? Takkan he go buy his own ring also meh straightaway? But he had no reaction, so shouldn’t be lah.. some more on our way back, he gave and ask me to keep that bag for him!!!! so I lagi confirm that it’s not ring lah!! Hahahahha damn relieved!

Well, he hid the ring+ box+spare ring (just in case he felt like kenakan me) in the laptop bag that we use as bag pack! When in Langkawi.. I did not carry any bag.. so he carried my purse and phone for me.. and I have been like digging the bag as usual, putting stuff in, taking stuff out… and I did not find those stuff he hid!!! Damn fail rite me?

On 23 June 2013, there was supposed to be a super moon and I thought being at the beach was the best place to view the moon.

So we were on the beach, at one far corner, just us. And I was disappointed that the moon I saw was just normal moon except that it is kind of blur… covered with haze I think! Hahahha.. I was there googling on my phone.. searching if it was the right day to view super moon etc.. when I noticed Pingu was using his phone also. I asked what was it he was doing, he said, searching about red wine stuff… (LIE! He was searching about proposal stuff hahahahha)..

~the super moon, our witness~ 

So fine.. gave up on super moon, might as well just walk together and enjoy the beach.. I really love beaches especially night time..:) As we were walking, he asked me to carry the bag pack.. huh! ordering me some more! So I turned my back, so that he can put the bag on for me to carry. After that I continued walking, not yet even one step, he called me.

I turned around, there he was smiling cheekily with a ring box in his hand!! @.@
My first reaction was, OMG he’s proposing.. what to do?? *hyperventilates
I think I tried to run… hahahha… I felt I needed to hide…
I was SHHHYYYYYY!!! my face was feeling so hot... probably it had turned red dy! hahaha

He held me tight and knelt on his knees… and said a bunch of things which I cannot remember!!
Damn touching all the things he say until half way he not yet finish talking I felt I wanna cry dy so I fast fast hug him so that my tears won’t fall.. hahahhaha.. want face until like that..

Apparently my answer to him was “ok..ok.ok..” hahahhahah forgot to say YES… later I think I did say when he asked me again to reconfirm.. hahahhaha

Then he put the beautiful ring on my ring finger… and we kissed.. ;)

We walked and sat by the beach.. so that he can turn on the flash light to show me the ring which was absolutely beautiful.. :) just like what I dream of… and it was so big.. I could wear it on my thumb!

How did he manage to smuggle the ring there? Well, he hid it in his back pack, covered by a piece of ‘used’ hello kitty tissue and with a new pack on top.. the picture explains it all.

And he knew if I saw it, I would not touch it.. cause I will feel yucky touching the used tissue.. THAT REALLY HAPPENED!! I wanted to take the tissue, and I really did saw that ‘used’ tissue, and I thought.. yeee.. so disgusting one.. stuff so many dirty tissue here.. yucks! Not gonna touch it!

So that’s the story of the proposal. Too bad no recording of it.. because Pingu tried to record, but his butt clicked stop cause he kiap the phone on his butt with his shorts waitstband! Hahahhahah he damn kek sam lor! Hahahhhahaaa

 ~ fiance and fiancee :) ~ 

I felt so super happy and excited that I could not sleep the night and I woke up super early before sunrise! Really super happy and I felt so loved (actually more like FINALLYyyyyy someone wants to marry me! wahahahaha)… i felt so comfortable and so safe in his arms and knowing that he will be there for me always.

Up or down; hard or easy; good times or bad times we’re going to walk hand-in-hand through our journey of life, together. *sniffs

LIFE LESSON #1 - of money, choice and responsibility

ohiyo!! i am back from my not very long vacation to Hokkaido

i was about to start to blog about the trip but something came up

and i decide to postpone that just because i have no mood! 

i am going to write this down because i have spent one sleepless night and few depressingly stressful days to find a closure to my problem...

and i want this to be a LIFE LESSON for me because i realise i am pretty much not exposed in monetary issues like this and to face the solution for it

frog in the well kind of situation

everytime after a trip, reality start to kick back in...payments have to be made and especially those spent on the trip..

when we go for trips with friends/famiies it would be inevitable to have common spending

or in my specific case this time, was payment on behalf.

in my specific case, what happened was Kelly's (gonna call her K from now on) husband told me at the airport to take care of his wife as this is the first time she is going overseas for trip and he gave a budget of RM3k for her expenses..

well, merrily-happy-excited-for-the-trip me noted and agreed. and so the rest of the trip was all well and good... though we spent off all our cash in hand and i had to think of ways to find more cash....got it and swipe some on my magic card!

back home, back to reality... after reconciliation with magic card bank and also other fellow tour friends, time to pay back debts had arrived. i calculated everything nicely,got all information and informed K about the amount that needed to be paid. The response i got from K was -------------silent---------------------

so then i sent the details Pingu and told him to claim from K's husband the money for me. K's husband did briefly spoke to me that he has no money to pay me. i honestly thought it was kind of like a joke and took it lightly.

until one fine morning, K's father in law called me.. and asked how much did she owe me. He told me that he will pay for all her additional expenses and mine too! i objected and refused to accept the offer of course! how can one old man pay for our own additional expenses???

the fact that it is additional is a CHOICE. i can opt to not spend any extra but i chose to because i have made the decision that i will be responsible for the amount spent. K CHOSE to spend extra because her husband said he gave her additional RM3k to spend.

then it dawned to me that K's husband was not joking after all. he had no money to pay and intend to just leave it as it is. i was like FUCK! what is this attitude? what kind of mentality is this? this is not how somebody whom i actually regarded as 'family' treat each other! ALL LIES and trying to take advantage of my kind heart!!! BLOODY FUCK no wonder K was silent.

i was also angry with K. BLOODY HELL you fucking spent happily like a rich bitch and now when it is payback time, u keep quiet? act like nothing had happened? what?? think that money will drop down from the sky? HUH! shouldn't you as a WIFE should be responsible to claim money back from your beloved husband the money to pay me back???

HELLO!!! however much your husband owe you does not mean the whole world owes you too! fucking please realize that I AM NOT YOUR FAMILY or anything that you may think i could be related to you that made you think that you could take advantage of me! if your STUPID husband is not able to pay for your spending, you should know it. CONTROL YOURSELF LAH BITCH! and even so, after that you should bear the responsibility of your own spending. you should go ask the old man for money and pay me. NOT FUCKING JUST TREAT LIKE NOTHING HAS HAPPENED and the old man had to call me and take responsibility of your actions!

Fine! Lesson to learn. DO NOT TRUST ANYONE... however much i may agree, i am still going to reserve some trust for my own family and close friends. People i know that will stick to you through thick and thin and most importantly, RESPONSIBLE for their own actions.

strangers, not so close friends, and others (especially K and husband) shall not be trusted anymore and should they ever ever need me to pay for them or lend them any money... well, i would say that the request had to go through many levels of decision and will be questioned thoroughly and to be honest, i think would unlikely pass through the first few levels of decision making. u see, one of the levels will question their INTEGRITY and so i guess K's and husband does not have any and their names have been BLACKLISTED dy. 

FTL

Our first and last love is... self-love

somehow i find this article like chicken soup... at times when i felt life sucks...

How To Love Yourself In 17 Ways
by Evelyn on March 20, 2008

I have compiled a list on “how to love yourself” for readers who are facing difficulty knowing what to do in embracing themselves. When I first began to be aware that I need to love myself first prior to developing any meaningful relationships with others, I realized that I did not know where to start.

This was a surprise to me then as I would have thought I’d be an expert on love and relationships by then. After all, as I recalled, in my younger days, I have spent much time looking for the best spouse or romantic partner. But I soon realized that my search was meant to fill the void or emptiness I had inside. Finding a good relationship with myself seemed to be an even harder task! However, as things turned out, I found myself failing miserably in my early relationships because I had insufficient or little self love.

I have found that self-esteem and self-love are issues that are often related together. If you suffer from low self esteem, it is possible that the the root cause is a case of insufficient self-love. And so, you have found it difficult to find that little bit of love for yourself. Loving yourself feels unnatural for a start because your mind has been ingrained with self sabotaging thoughts for the longest time.

However, nothing is going to happen if you do not make a conscious decision. And that includes attracting abundance. When you don’t love yourself, you are basically telling the Universe that you are unworthy or undeserving of any love or positive outcomes that have the same vibrational match as love.

Learning to love yourself starts with making a conscious decision, an intention to become happy and lead a fulfilled life. When you do not love yourself and suffer from low self esteem, it is almost impossible to ever reach the potential that you suspect you have.

“Love yourself first and everything falls into line.”
Lucille Ball quotes (American radio and motion-picture actress and comedy star, 1911-1989)

When you make a decision to love yourself, you are really saying that you want to come alive. You accept that you are responsible for the outcomes that you experience in your life and would like yourself to shine from living a fulfilling life.

So if you’ve decided on loving yourself but are as equally stumped on how to love yourself, as I was back then, here are 17 ways which I believe can be helpful:

1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite all your “flaws”. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”
Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)

2. Eliminate Self Criticism. Do you often berate yourself over the tiniest thing? Is there a little voice inside your head that often tells you that you are no good because you are stupid or make mistakes. If you find that you criticize yourself often, make an effort to stop the self criticism.

“I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ.” — unknown

3. Be Kind And Positive. When you start to think kindly and positively about yourself, the love you have for yourself just grows. Make it a habit to praise yourself everyday, while in the front of the mirror. Because of such thoughts, you naturally undertake empowering actions that support your development.

4. Acknowledge Your Effort. It is not always about winning or coming up tops in everything that you do. Many times, it is the effort that counts! Acknowledge that you have done your best, even if you have failed to produce tangible results.

5. Let Go Of Worry. Loving yourself requires you to let go of your worry. It is a horrible way to live a life filled with constant worrying. I can attest to that! Worry does not help in any way. It cannot, on its own, make things happen. Only wise actions can! So instead of worrying, spend time thinking about what you can do to help in the situation. If the situation is beyond your control, then make a request to the Universe/God about what you want. Next, surrender your outcome.

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” — Epictetus quotes (Greek philosopher associated with the Stoics, AD 55-c.135)

6. Trust Yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself, for as long as you put your heart to it. You can also support yourself by visualizing desired outcomes.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”
Benjamin Spock quotes (American Pediatrician and Author, 1903-1998)

7. Forgive Yourself. If you have made mistakes in the past that had caused you to feel less worthy, then you need to forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes; so there really is no need to beat yourself up over them. Also, if you have been carrying around a baggage of emotional hurt because of a childhood trauma, learn to forgive yourself.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Lewis B. Smedes quotes

8. Be Truthful To Yourself. Loving yourself requires you to be truthful about your own feelings. If you are happy, acknowledge the joy. If you are sad, acknowledge the sorrow. When you are truthful about your feelings, you do not try to lie to yourself or seek to bury your negative emotions. Instead, acknowledging what you feel provides a good guide to what your thoughts are. And as we all know, thoughts can be changed, so that healing and self growth can take place.

9. Grow Spiritually. When you spend time growing spiritually, loving yourself becomes automatic. You become more peaceful, connected, kind, loving and compassionate. You nurture a mind that grows more beautiful by the day. You naturally love yourself in the process.

10. Make Positive Affirmations Everyday. Reframe your mind with positive affirmations. For instance, say this to yourself “I love and accept myself completely and unconditionally.” Read your affirmations out loud several times a day.

11. Express Gratitude. Express gratitude for the person that you are. For instance, cultivate an appreciation for your strengths and gifts. Also, feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life.

12. Nurture Your Dreams. Why deny yourself your dreams? When you nurture your dreams, you would love the life that you are leading. Every moment that you live is a joy because you are expressing yourself fully.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. —Mark Twain

13. Boost Your Self Confidence. Make a deliberate attempt to look for opportunities that can help improve your confidence. For instance, if you are particularly good at doing something, set aside more time to indulge and improve your skills on it. Knowing that you have particular gifts can boost your self esteem.

14. Relax. Give yourself space to take breaks every now and then. If you spend your time working, without paying attention to your health, it also means that you do not love yourself well enough to take care of your own body. Fill your time with silence, soothing music and visions of beauty; anything that nourishes your Soul.

15. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be an enjoyable. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.

16. Look After Your Body. It is important that you strengthen yourself with proper nutrition and regular exercise. Your body is a temple and you should treat it with respect, love and care. It has been found that the lack of self love is often the root causes of conditions like eating disorders, obesity or even terminal diseases.

“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.”
Jim Rohn quotes (American Speaker and Author. He is famous for motivational audio programs for Business and Life. )

17. Learn To See Beauty. When you learn to see beauty in every thing, you will also see beauty in yourself. Hence, stop to smell the flowers. Notice everything. Feel everything. The pink blush of the flowers in your garden, the greenness of the plains, the whisper of the gentle wind, or the myriad hues of an evening sky.

Ray of light

Sorry for the long hiatus again.

My life had turned into a monotonous boring urban living zombie. Going early in the morning to work and coming back home tired in the evenings where all you want to do is just to eat dinner and laze around till you feel guilty for not taking a bath. Then you take a bath and prepare your mind to sleep and rest to face another miserable day ahead at work!

I have never looked forward for weekends as much as I have ever had in my working history. This particular chapter of my life.. my working life to be exact, shall be erased from my history forever! I never hated my life as much as I do in this three months!

so finally, I decided to put an end to my misery. I felt like I am stucked in some underground cave somewhere in Thailand and it's dark and I cannot find any light! and finally after making the decision where I regrettably should have made much earlier, this is what I saw



so I hope and pray that after coming out of the pitch, I could witness this!!



and appreciate life at it's best! God bless me!

let it be

These days I've been thinking a lot and feeling downward yo-yo of my 'emo'ness.

One thing for sure to be blamed is my hormones. The other major one is of what I do every day. I am so sorry to myself to have to admit that I am back to the stage where I delayed waking up as late as I can… people close to me, who have stayed with me for some time would know what it means! Hah! Why am I going through this again? Nothing so fun to go through stages like this!

I will have to learn a lesson actually. I knew, at that moment, deep inside me, that I didn't feel comfortable when I had to nod my head. *Slaps self! I should've followed my instincts! Silly girl! But due to many considerations, and the many 'no's I said, I couldn't afford to wait any longer. I just had to nod, telling myself that 'this is the right decision' and secretly praying hard that things could turn out well.

Big lesson learnt. Next time, I hope I could insist to follow what my heart says so. But next time would not be so near yet as I have responsibilities to bear. Until then, I guess I would have to just hang on and pray that I could survive the ordeal. ~~~I will survive~~~ *ganbate!

I believe I could do it. I've been finding ways to keep myself calm, balance out the unstableness in me, be happy and telling myself, "everything's gonna be allright!". Actually I am not so sure after all. Off and on, something keeps telling me to give up but logical reasoning stopped me. Torn in between two options, I found it very very difficult to hold on to the 'happy' card.

So I told myself. Life is a journey, full of hurdles and potholes. I am allowed to curse and swear the person who built the road, but no one prevented me to enjoy the beautiful nature I see along the way. To survive this ordeal, I just had to change my focus. Instead of focusing on the potholes and badly managed place, it's my choice to enjoy the beautiful nature and the wonderful people around me!! Fuck those potholes and evil spirits around me who try to make my life as miserable as it can be for their own enjoyment! Karma is a bitch! It will come back to visit those who made people's life miserable!

I hope by telling myself this it will make me feel muchhhhhh better….. Although in actual fact, I will pray for karma not to make other people life miserable just because I said so. Them making mine miserable does not mean that I want to make theirs miserable as well (accumulating good karma for my next generation). I would rather just let it be. It's their life and I just want nothing to do with them as much as I can. I would be most grateful for that.

Let it be..let it be…let it be…. let it be….

Missing part of me

At this hour, listening to romantic Korean love drama "full house" theme I can't help to be emotional. Its 3.30 in the morning. We're on our way to melaka to celebrate pingu's birthday. Pingu is busy surfing net with his laptop beside me and i am typing this with his I phone My mind brings me back to many things... I thought of my lappy. Misses it so much. Everytime I see people using their lappy, every time I hear people talk about lappy, I thought of my apple. I still feel the pain. I dont know how long would I take to get over this but I misses lappy a lot. I don't understand why they made the repair of lappy cost so much more than the actual purchase price???!?? I would pay even if it's 1 or 2 k... but not 6 k to apple store for repair. Why must they do it this way? Do they consider the pain and sadness the lappy owners will feel? Because of this, I can safely say I don't think I would buy an apple lappy anymore. My heart for an apple lappy could go up to this far as of now and it has all been given to my lappy. It was so heartbreaking that I felt like a sudden emptiness in my life, that gap of emptiness suddenly revealed itself. And as time goes by, it grew bigger, uncontrollable. And oh btw, I lost my pendrive too! Seriously FML cause all my gadget techno stuff Seems to run away from me.. Or it was me actually who dropped them off unintentionally.. No idea but to me, I hated the feeling of uhmmm..... Negligence? That I am a lousy owner!

Period. That is the end. Period. RIP

6th November was the date. It's the date of the death of my lappie, my apple. I left it there to 'dry' up with hopes to be able to turn it on few days later. On the 8th, I decided to push the button as I'll be going to tganu the next day. As I pushed the button, I was expecting it to boot on as usual. NOTHING HAPPENED. I pushedband pushed. Still it was just like that. Sleeping, I thought. Ignoring menon purpose, I thought. Maybe lappie was angry with me. I know it was my fault. And so I had to send it back to the shop to service, hoping that they won't find out he truth and just change the switch or something. I tried to tell myself that by sending it to the specialist there will be hope. I tried shopping to clear my mind. I guess it didn't work as well as I expected. But still there was hope Until yesterday when I got the dreadful call. They confirmed the death of lappie. That I would need 6,000 to revive it. My mind went blank. I was told that I might be able to get replacement done outside, but then after checking, it was not possible. When finally I knew that was impossible to get lappie back again at a humanly cost, i broke down. I couldn't stand it anymore. I had no choice but to accept the fact that lappie will not turn on again. I thought of it and I decided not to get any replacement yet. At least until I finish paying the installment. I need time to heal my broken heart. It was really painful. It is so hard to face the fact that lappie wasn't here for me anymore. I have no confidence that I would be able to withstand the possibility of another blow. Now I shall take it as a punishment for me. And I will banish the right of that bloody cup to be a cup. Not going just to break it. Gonna make it suffer and accompany my lappie and be a tomb stone. That is the price to pay for taking to life of my lappie. My lappie. RIP

lappie in ICU

my heart broke...
i see wings everywhere....
i miss my lappie!!!!! *come back quick!!
it'll be two weeks separation... and i hate it
i miss you lappie!!!!!!!!!!! come back to me FAST!!
and be healthy ok!! *everyone will pray for you (and me)

shopping doesn't make me feel better
but my friend, clare said, perhaps i didnt shop enough??
hmm... i think so too..
i'm going shopping tomorrow with pingu!!!!

yeah!!! pingu will be here!!!
and take me away.. to a far far away land...

good and bad

Hello! This is me, reporting from Kuala Terengganu.
If you thought I might be kidnapped due to my absense in updating here,
thank you for your concern. I am alive and well. Very limited access to internet here.
I am just a little not too well due to the bloody cold and cough..
been here since last wednesday and has been sick till today...
still coughing my lungs out!!! FML
if there is any miracle medicine for curing cough, I would like to try!

Living here now is super free and easy
no worries, no problems, no stress, no pollution, no nothing...
basically so carefree and oh yah... no money problems too!
No outlet to spend my money so no money problems lah! Ahahhahaha
Though my debts are still in existance no matter how hard I try to leave the sad past behind me!

now I have plenty of time to think about what I want in life..
errm.... its like what I would like to do in life a.k.a. for a living as money don't fall from the sky
“cheh!” is probably the response I would get from many, but to me this is a serious dilema
I cant be living off my life incomeless and stress free!wtf
I can take the 'stress free' part willingly, but the 'incomeless' part...
(*waching with hands tied matching bra sets flying away! FML!!that is ultimate misery)
for God's sake, why do they have such words of misery??

personally, I think i work better in a stressful conditions
it will also indirectly act as a 'size' control agent for me i.e. stress makes me thin WTF
hahahhahahhahaaaa.....

sometimes, I dream of going back to work in 'my' office..
Note: how I used 'my'... I am actually referring to my first love (*emo)
when I used to be working at office, I used to envy those who lived a carefree life
work without going to office, can dress fancily as and when they wished...
now, that I am so free, not working, I dont see me dressing up at all!! FML!!
I dont want to not be able to dress up! I love dressing up!!
although I admit that I am pretty lazy sometimes, (ok. Most of the times)
but I need a place to show off my new clothes, new accessories, new style...
SHOW OFF! That is what I like to do! HAHHAHAHHAHAAHHAA
eg. now that I have a new silk baju kurung.... I crave the satisfaction I get when people honestly praise me when I wear it! Omg! I think I am an attention seeker! Hahahhahahaa
btw, I like it best when people envy my small collection of earrings... ahem! *blushes

living the carefree style is also what I liked, wanted and wished for every day!!
The best part is not having to get up early for work!
I can get up anytime I want!!! super love this okay!!!
alarm clock is a thing in the past! HAHAHA no more sad and dreadful mornings!
I can kiss fireboy as long as I want and fall asleep again on his fat belly!! *hugs baby pooh!
I can go anywhere I want, anytime I like and as long as I wished!!
I secretly enjoy the feeling when I see people having to go to office dreadfully! *evil

there are pro and cons for everything.....
working in office means fixed working times.
Fixed working times means you are supposed to work at the fixed time and you dont need to work at all during your free time a.k.a weekends and holidays
fixed working times also means that you cannot go anywhere anytime you want i.e. your physical body is stationed in the office

working in office means fixed income.
Fixed income means you can budget your spending and you are assured of a fixed amount of positive balance in your bank account every end of the month.
Fixed income also means that your bank balance can never go higher unless you sit on your boss lap and get an increment every month i.e. if you're stuck with debts, you're gonna be stucked with it for a long long time unless you can live a life eating maggi every meal!

Working on your own means there is no one to control you
no control means you can do anything you like at anytime you want only having to answer to yourself. Start work at any time and wear anything you like which is suitable TO YOU.
No control also means that you tend to be lazy and only do the minimum required. There wont be any guideline to follow or to fall back.

Working on your own means fluctuating income
fluctuating income means that you have to chance to make it big. Your income can be so high that people's nose will bleed if they know the exact figure or it can be so low that beggers can laugh at you and slap your head! It all depends on how you manage your finances. Its like a gamble, only that this gamble allows you to up your chances of winning by proper financial management.
Fluctuating income also means that not only the beggers will laugh at you but you would need lots of courange and determination to stand strong should you fall down. And that means a hell lot of stength!

So now, what should I choose?
Risk and gamble when I am still young or play safe all life?

marriage made in heaven

as i watch the video clip... it brought me to tears
the love of a husband and the devotion of a wife
the everlasting union of two individuals
such a wonderful couple

i would make a wish.... that everyone i know...(and myself too!)
will have a marriage made in heaven....
and live happily ever after....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from straittimes.com


IN a moving eulogy to his wife of 63 years, which brought tears to those attending the private funeral service of the late Madam Kwa Geok Choo at Mandai Crematorium on Wednesday afternoon, Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew fondly recalled her devotion to him, the simple pleasures they enjoyed in the evening and how the matriarch of the family brought up her three children and doted on her grandchildren.

Even as he grieved over her passing - which 'cannot be expressed in words' - MM celebrated her life in his 'last farewell to my wife', remembering the wonderful moments of their family life together and the life-long values she had taught their children. He shared personal anedotes with the gathering of close friends and relatives, Cabinet ministers, MPs, grassroots and community leaders who came to say their last goodbye to Madam Kwa, acknowledged by many as the 'mother of the country'.

Minister Mentor began his eulogy, recounting how he met Madam Kwa, who became his constant companion since they both studied in Cambridge University in 1947.

Mr Lee spoke of how Choo, as he called his wife, influenced his writing style, brought up their children to be 'well-behaved, polite, considerate and never to throw their weight as the prime minister's children', and the evening walks with her in the Istana grounds where their official residence was.

'We would walk around the Istana gardens in the evening, and I hit golf balls to relax,' recalled MM Lee. 'Later, when we had grandchildren, we would take them to feed the fish and the swans in the Istana ponds. Then we would swim.'

On her contributions to the nation, MM Lee said Madam Kwa helped him draft the Constitution of the People's Action Party, and also an undertaking in the Federation of Malaysia Constitution to guarantee the two water agreements between the PUB and the Johor state government.

'She was precise and meticulous in her choice of words,' said MM Lee.

The last two years of her life were the most difficult after Mrs Lee was bedridden following several successive strokes. It was also the hardest for MM Lee.

'She could not speak but she was still cognisant,' said MM Lee. 'Every night she would wait for me to sit by her to tell her of my day's activities and to read her favourite poems. Then she would sleep. '

In his parting words, MM Lee said: 'I have precious memories of our 63 years together. Without her, I would be a different man, with a different life.

'She devoted herself to me and our children. She was always there when I needed her. She has lived a life full of warmth and meaning.
'I should find solace at her 89 years of life well lived. But at this moment of the final parting, my heart is heavy with sorrow and grief.'

trampling on cotton candy

ok. it was miserable for the last two months.

heavily indebted=still surviving
yeng chai got broken into=additional cost
bloody robber stole TAG=no chance to zoom past toll gates and show off to TnG users!
rigorously paying off c/c debt=so not spending money
no spending money=no fancy meals, no entertainment.
no lifestyle=eat chap fan and boil dramas

but in life we must be positive....
so i drew up a budget and maintained to follow it!
i could manage to slot in a trip to KT, pay off insurance installment
also hair treatment package and wedding favours!!!
oooh oohhh....and also for the payment of RM180 for the ji mui's dress!!

owhhh.. not all from my salary alone...
then?? how???

Difficult times are like dark clouds that pass overhead and block the sun.
When we look more closely at the edges of every cloud we can see the sun shining there like a silver lining.
so we all much open eyes BIG BIG so that can see the sunlight!!!! thank God for big eyes... (positive thinking if compared to sepet eyes)
Every cloud has a silver lining means that you should never feel hopeless because difficult times always lead to better days.

i tell you i really couldn't believe myself that God really loved me that much!!!

the TnG value in my card was refunded by the company PROMPTLY!!! exactly 1 month
my insurance payment for the broken window received also in the same time!!!
although i dun see it in my account yet, but the news of it is good enough!
JESUS LOVES ME TIS I KNOW!!!! i♥jesus too!!!

then i get big angpow which is good enough to cover the ji mui dress ♥my aunty!!
then my bro received the laptop that TM is giving free for student
which i am going to sell it off and will get him to buy me a hard disk which i really wanted and NEEDED
and also some secret mission we're doing!! which makes me so damn happy!!! hahahahhaah ♥ my bro!!!

and baybee who has been always supporting me with whatever decision i make and loves me so much!!! ♥♥♥

so my life is full of colour now!! all alive and well... but still chap fan cause i ♥ chap fan and i can pay off c/c!

life puzzle

i am in a 'messed-up' stage again..
was just talking to fifi yesterday night

i asked...
was i too pampered when i was in a relationship with my 'first love'?

apparently NOT

we had good share of sleepless nights; nightmares;
stressful days; screamings; scoldings;
overtime; early mornings; on the road adventures;
sacrifices were made; paid vacations were pushed aside

but we had the FIRE... the desire... the push...
the eagerness.. the happiness.. the excitement
to wake up every morning....
the rush to office... though most of the time late
to meet the faces i love to see
and speak to heart to heart

now in a new relationship
i tried
i tried
i tried
and i could not find the fire, the desire, the spark, the push
my heart in not going along with my body mind and soul...
and its tearing me apart.. breaking me.. weakening me

i realized i need to do something
something to save myself
something which might look silly or maybe it is after all
but i just need to do something
people might talk, people might scold
people might think of say things that will hurt me a lot
then i thought and told myself that
i dont live for people; i live for myself

no point living a life unhappy so people don't talk
i rather live a happy life... and dont care what people say
to make a turn at a junction with hope that it will be better

will i regret it later?
i dont think so... its part and parcel of growing up
right or wrong turn, there's always something along the journey
the pieces the the puzzle of my life

Crossing over to Golok

ok. this is the last post for our trip up north.

the next morning, Baybee and Lee out of curiosity said they wanted to check what was offered for breakfast. End up they came back and told us they wanted to eat there.
The guys end up bringing food outside and ate together with us…
so we had FREE breakfast too!!

me and my morning cannot open eyes look with the teh tarik river
us complaining about the dirty river.. hahhaha i look like i wanna initiate a fight!

after breakfast, we started our journey up north to Rantau Panjang, the major border crossing between Malaysia and Thailand for the East Coast of Malaysia. The town on the Thai side across the Golok River which forms the boundary between the two countries is Sungai Kolok.
passing the malaysia immigration... and getting our passports scanned
then we drove across the Harmony Bridge that linked the two countries
we also drove past the Customs and went straight into Thailand, Sungai Kolok

opppps!!!!!Something is NOT RIGHT!!!
Yeah… we did not get our passports stamped!
cause we did not pass by any area for the stamping of passports!!!
NOT OUR FAULT OKAY!!
Later only we found out that we’re supposed to park by the side of the road and get out passports stamped instead of just driving through straight. So troublesome, right?

a visit to the Toh Moh Goddess Shrine..
Baybee and Lee did some prayers
Lee is so funny here! he looks like he's dancing with the joystick!
after visiting the temple, we walked around the town a bit to buy some souvenirs
which basically consist of food only... specifically, SNACKS!!! read: FATS!!!
the pink scooter above is so cute!
imma buy one next time for me to go cruising around in the evenings for long kai!
after shopping around, we went to a temple for massage. It was recommended for us to go for a massage in a temple as there will not be any hanky panky going on and the masseur will massage properly. We paid Rm25 each for two hours of full body massage. There was a herbal sauna at the place too at RM3 per person but the weather was too hot and none of us was interested to get ourselves baked.

We had some 2 hours to kill after that before dinner time so yennee and i went for a hair wash (hair got oily due to the head massage earlier). The hairwash cost us RM10 each.
Good enough to kill time… but it killed the health of my hair too!
First, the lady massaged CONDITIONER onto my SCALP! Where got people do that one??? That would mean blocking my pores and making my scalp oilier.
Secondly, I just wanted a normal blow dry for my hair, so when she asked me if I want to flat iron my hair, I said no.
WTH! So she used the hairdryer to blow my hair for so so so long till my hair became super dry and straight till the effect of flat iron! My hair became dry like twigs!
My local saloon girl almost fainted when she saw my hair!

When we’re done, the guys came and joined us and we left for early dinner. Baybee wanted to eat pork knuckles but the shop was closed. So we just ate at another halal restaurant.
That was the best Thai food I ever tasted!!! yums yums!!!!
I don’t normally see Baybee going for second helping of tom yum but he did this time!
It was so good, we cleared everything out! and btw, the prices are reasonable too!

After dinner, we went to complete our tidbits shopping before we headed home. We were worried that the customs might tax us for the fragrant rice, so we hid it nicely.
We left the border safely again, without anyone checking our car or stopping us as well!
something really wrong with the immigration system there!!!!

That’s the end of my long awaited merdeka trip. I wished it never had to end… but its ok.
I’ll go there again some other time to see Baybee!
I missed him already as I am typing this too!
I truly enjoyed this trip as I loved the company I was with and it was truly relaxing!

Not enjoying your work is the gateway to HELL!

Not enjoying your work is a SIN.
(i think i'm going to hell soon enough)
You're going to spend most of your adult life working, might as well have fun with it ;)
Work to me has always been like a close friend. Since i spend so much time with it, I always end up falling in love with it.
I used to be head over heels with my previous job... but one thing led to another and we have now gone our separate ways
Despite no longer 'together', we still maintain good relationship with one another
Kept in touch and still laughed over silly matter and office gossips..oops!

Since i am super emo today, i thought i should share something i wrote once....
titled as 'mushy mushy', i couldn't send it out anytime earlier than the last few seconds being there

Dear bosses!

1. You guys were the best of the best coolest bosses i know and I am thankful for having the chance to work with you all
2. Err….other than position and experience wise (read: age is what I meant)… i would love to regards you guys as my friend/buddy/sisters..or.. brothers?! Ahahha
3. From the bottom of my heart I would like to thank you all for teaching me and guiding me all along..
4. I learnt really a lot since I know you all… which if I have the chance again, I would love to continue learning from you guys
5. I'm sorry if I had made lots of mistakes… which I think I did… and a lot too..lol
6. I'm sorry if I had said things that hurts your feelings.. made you sad… or my horrible countless teasing
7. I'm sorry if my loud voice, laughter or Chinese/Korean ringtones had cause you noise pollution.. which I believe neither of us minded
8. Last but not the least, I LOVE YOU GUYS and thank you for loving me too!!
9. I wish you all happiness, joy, success, health and everything else which is good!!!! GOD BLESS!!
10. BTW, just in case if you miss me, feel assured that I missed you guys too…you know how to contact me! ;)

Signing out for the last time,

Shoni Tay

Project Coordinator

OH GOD!!! I FEEL LIKE CRYING! THE MEMORIES WE SHARED WERE PRICELESS!!!!
that JOB was my FIRST LOVE (under the work category lah of course)!!!
although i am searching for a new love now... sometimes (like now) i thought of the past...
and i could smile... i felt the warmth and i thank God for this first love.

unconditional love

I got this last Sunday from someone special when i was working at MOFEW fair....
She came all the way to visit me, had lunch with me and gave me this! ♥
Sealed with a big kiss for the most sexy! Muah!!! Thanks dear!! I love it so much!!
It was so so so so sweet... I was caught by surprise and felt like wanted to cry...*shy
But there were too many people around, so i acted cool! :p

I am so lucky to have such wonderful friend that loves me! *shows-off
The effort she took to prepare the gift... ♥And brought it all the way to surprise me!!!
Then i had a guilt attack! Hahahhaha.. Din get her anything for her bd pun...
I think i am a bad friend! Still, deep down, I DO REALLY LOVE YOU SHIN YEE!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING MY FRIEND!!! And loving me unconditionally! WTF
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At MOFEW, I was supposed to W.O.R.K....i did, but i also did shopping as well!
Bought a princessy hairband which the store owner wore and i thought she looked like a princess! And also 3 bracelets for RM20 which i really love!
One of it had a cute kimono girl charm on it... And i thought that it was like a secret box and could be open to hide things in it... BUT when i opened it, it BROKE! FML!! It wasn't supposed to be opened. I DIDN'T KNOW and my heart broke!ahhhhhhh!!! Luckily, without the back portion, little kimono girl still looked cute! :)

and the winner is...

I MADE MY DECISION.

And it was not because of LOVE.

It wasn't for thrill and excitement too.

i chose kaya butter toast!

kaya butter toast

PMS

That is the word for it. That is the reason for it. That is the most evil thing on earth!
It makes you feel like shit. It makes you cannot sleep. It makes you easily irritated.

Earlier, I got pissed of with 'you know who' (not revealing this.. so no need to ask). Then a bloody aunty poured oil into fire by pissing me off further. Making false accusation and trying to cheat my money! Bloody OLD crook!! I don't want to waste my time ranting about both of it here. Waste of space and time. Just a simple note to remind me of 'why i shouldn't be so nice to idiots' it in the future will do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's something which is a bigger and more serious thing which is going on in my mind now. When i heard about it, i couldn't sleep the whole of last night! Something really exciting... And i was thrilled to hear about it. Or rather too shocking for the humble me to accept and i needed time to digest to think about it.

I couldn't make a decision on the spot because of....LOVE! HAAHAHAHAH *i am shy to admit it but....I never expected myself to have problem deciding due to LOVE!! OMG! Laugh at me all you want... I don't care. I have always acted for the benefit of myself and this time, I DIDN'T! OMG! What is happening to me? ~the power of love~perhaps?

Many of times, the older generations and more experienced ones have given countless valuable advices and one of it is not to be so stupid to sacrifice for love! However they say it, i don't see it practiced by them! They say it when they regretted their decision. But on a sweeter note, there are also some who sacrificed and it was worth it after all... 50:50 / Big or Small???

I don't know what to choose. I don't know how to choose.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Its like dividing myself to half. ~just like kaya butter toast...
Half of me wants the best for myself NOW! I crave for the excitement and challenge. ~ butter side
Another half of me wants the best for the person i love.. that makes me H.A.P.P.Y.!!!! ~ kaya side
I know, in life, we cannot have the best of both worlds, but life means endless possibilities. ~well, there's kaya butter toast kan??~
Many things in life are not fated. Its a choice we made by taking chances.
Happiness is a choice we make.

I could be wrong. I could be right. I have not decided yet...
Once i made the decision, i guess there'll be no turning back. *thinking *thinking really hard

Life is always a gamble.
You win some, you lose some.
Most importantly, is to enjoy the journey along the way.

stone age

its another week now,

frankly, i find my daily routine kinda boring.. or kinda 'old'

not much of entertainment and nothing exciting..just like or even worse than soon to retire people FML

wake up morning go to work - after work eat dinner - T____T - talk to baybee - sleep early

T_____T space is yet to be filled with excitement!

i go home, all i see is 4 walls... if have internet, at least still got extra one called 'firewall'

i feel lonely...not much human interaction.. i think i will turn into a stone one day FML

the star front page "girl turns into stone staring at ceiling" WTF

I NEED A PERMANENT SOLUTION FOR THIS!!!!

temporarily, i go for alternate hairwash days... and fyi, i've just signed on a whole treatment package! how to save money like that???? when i get my salary, i'm gonna sign a 6 months hair wash program so i can go wash my hair every day!! *fighting for spot under a bridge to beg for money to spend at salon* FML

and like now, i shamelessly hang around at cafe to go online and blog of my sorrowful situation while waiting for my 'beloved brother raymond' to fix up internet at my rented fucked up place that could not use broadband!

does anyone know any part time courses at night that i can sign up for nearby puchong????

thought of putting my brains into good use while it is still functioning

*gasp* or has it turned into stone? FML!!!!

tales of old and new

Edit 2:
Used convetional method with blogger and still failed 2-3 times. I pre-typed this post in Ms Word 2010 and i cant seem to just copy and paste into blogger. Everytime i 'copied' there will be formatting details that tagged along and made me cant post! FTS! make my life so mah fan only!
Had to copy into notepad first before i copied again into blogger! WTF!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Edit:
FAILED NOT ONCE BUT TWICE.. trying to use yahoo mail to send this post using my newly thought way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tried using yahoo mail to directly send a post with pictures, but failed because I don’t know how to! How sad!
But I am brilliant, immediately I thought of a way, and tadah! U are reading this post WITH pictures!! Hahahhaha!

What the hell is that??? Look carefully, study the surrounding, and you would finally realize that it’s a flower vase! That the one on the right and on the left is a small glass… the liquid inside is obviously not vodka!

Few days ago, I went with yennee to my ex-boss’s food tasting of her newly opened café called ‘mBUJI CAFÉ’ at Sunway Giza. It was really a joyous occasion as I see a lot of familiar happy faces and the anticipation of free food! Mmm….. I felt a sudden warm feeling of familiarity.. and that was just about it… As I left, I wasn’t sad or unhappy at all! As I thought I would when I just entered. I was happy to say goodbye and go home to sleep!

A little about the café in case anyone wants to give a little support.. Patrons there go through a coffee adventure as they spend time slurping on good quality coffee imported from Africa… and there’s where the sacred rock called mBUJI is located, hence the name of the café. From what I understand, you would be able to choose from a large variety of different coffee beans and choose how you would like your coffee be made. Just pick what you like and you would get your very own design! There would also be a sandwich bar, just like Subway style and the bread are freshly baked in-house. There will be also an extensive list of menu to choose from anytime of the day. So far, I have not seen any of the above except for the extensive menu because during the tasting period, it was really full house and the food ran out rather quickly! So I shall go back another day and will write a proper review here.



Well, the big vase is my glass of water while others are the usual small size ones! HAHA! The reason why I got such a big one is due to my not-so-soft-volume when I talk! I was complaining that I did not get any of my orders, NOT even my plain water to my ‘table mates’ when the staff there heard me! And he quickly brought me this! HAHAHHA! The wonders of having not-so-soft voice!

Was wondering, would I be the one who would serve people the big vase if I would be still attached with my ex-company?

Last week also I tried to buy things from my company’s site www.lelong.com.my and got myself a ‘dress’. Why in inverted commas? Oh.. when I tried it on, it reached only to my waist! HAHAHHAHA!!! I think I ‘expanded’ the dress horizontally too much that it became short! So I’m gonna sell it off!

Then there is this special Wednesdays go crazy thing on www.superbid.com.my where items are auctioned off starting from RM1. So I ‘made’ Ping to get me this!


Aren’t they lovely? Such a sweet couple.. everytime I see this, now hanging in my room, it reminds me of him and my ‘missing’ him feeling would escalate sky high!

And oh oh… btw…I’m going to see my baybee tonight!!! Yeah yeah!!!!!