life puzzle

i am in a 'messed-up' stage again..
was just talking to fifi yesterday night

i asked...
was i too pampered when i was in a relationship with my 'first love'?

apparently NOT

we had good share of sleepless nights; nightmares;
stressful days; screamings; scoldings;
overtime; early mornings; on the road adventures;
sacrifices were made; paid vacations were pushed aside

but we had the FIRE... the desire... the push...
the eagerness.. the happiness.. the excitement
to wake up every morning....
the rush to office... though most of the time late
to meet the faces i love to see
and speak to heart to heart

now in a new relationship
i tried
i tried
i tried
and i could not find the fire, the desire, the spark, the push
my heart in not going along with my body mind and soul...
and its tearing me apart.. breaking me.. weakening me

i realized i need to do something
something to save myself
something which might look silly or maybe it is after all
but i just need to do something
people might talk, people might scold
people might think of say things that will hurt me a lot
then i thought and told myself that
i dont live for people; i live for myself

no point living a life unhappy so people don't talk
i rather live a happy life... and dont care what people say
to make a turn at a junction with hope that it will be better

will i regret it later?
i dont think so... its part and parcel of growing up
right or wrong turn, there's always something along the journey
the pieces the the puzzle of my life