Day 29

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Today supposed to write about past few days de #100happydays but i have no freaking mood to do so!!

So so so angry and disappointed with my mom and myself! I think i am much more angrier with myself than my mom.

Well for all it may be, the cause for all this anger is my own making, having too high hopes, expecting appreciation and dumblessly naive. Wtf

Since i am in such an angry mood, i shall complain further... And the reason why i am angry will be revealed .. (Suspense..)

Hello! Lao niang here never did fail any part of me being the not favorite daughter ok!!

Higher studies no need u all to pay already lo! Govt took pity on me, and supported me through my university... (i love malaysia) Well, basic education and living is you all punya responsibility for enjoying the fuck 30 years ago lah. While every youngster i knew that time was having the time of their lives, party, clubs, travel, fancy dinners, networking....

I had to work part time to earn a living. I had to take two public busses to uni and back and had to rush to teach my wed night classes.

Weekends? What yum char? What hang out? All i did was teach whole day!!! The more i teach the more i earn..

All these hard work for rm300-400 a month!!! Oh you may think i would be rich cos i started working so young eh? No! All the money goes to my living expenses!

They gave me rm200 a month! (After i had car, topped up rm50)

That was for breakfast, lunch, bus fares, books, notes, toiletries, clothes etc etc etc

You tell me enough or not with rm200?????
Did they feel sorry for me? NO!
Did i ask for more? NO!!
Why so stupid? Because i dont want to burden them and i rather work and earn my own money!

Fast forward 10 years later...
My dad ask me to give him rm300 (my bro also rm300) every month. He say it's just fair. Just COMFORTABLE enough for him WTF. Knowing i am already giving my mom rm350, he still ask me

Like WTF!! Did you think of me being COMFORTABLE last time??? Huh?? I only got about rm200 to spend on food now everymonth, and you want me to give u 300?? I eat what? Eat shit for you to be comfortable ah???

I know i am being very very selfish by saying all this! But hello! I wasnt the one you BELIEVED IN! You did not want to invest in me, pay for my education and give me Rm1000 for monthly spending in addition to car provided with service +road tax covered WTF

Opps! Backtracked too much! The hatred i had for my dad will erupt any time de.. So anyways, inwas saying about my mom.

So i knew that many youngsters now do not give parents money when they started working. And so i found out that my cousins were in that group. Never give any money to my uncle aunties.

So i was feeling kind of proud of myself!

I actually gave my mom (never give to my dad cause he is my enemy and even when I was young also he never give me money pun.. it's always my mom sacrificed a bit of her allowance for me) money since the day i started working without fail! The whole 10 years i worked i probably missed less than 5 times only!

Amount given to her was alway approximately 10% of my nett salary. Whether i stay at home or rent outside.

My brother who worked like for 2 years already always fail to give her money, let alone pay his installment to her for the money he loaned.

So it's really natural that i hope to feel appreciated after all these years. Never the favorite one but always fulfilling what i could do best, so so much better than others.

So when t i try to gossip about my cousins to her; she said it so cruelly that i felt my heart bleed

“You also same like them what! You also never give your father money!!”

Ok! That was insulting!
It was demeaning!
It was so so so hurtfull!
She is so bloody cruel and unappreciative!

So for the past 10 years, and all my secret resolutions and effort to be a better daughter.. GO DOWN THE BLOODY TOILET BOWL!

I never wanted to admit this....
Never wanted to face this...
Never wanted to believe this....

No matter what i did, i am never going to be the favorite one. And NO ONE GIVES A SHIT TO WHAT YOU DO AT ALL!

But if you dont do what the society expects you to do, they will talk bad about you, make you feel like an arsehole and will be doomed for hell.

For those who are the favorite ones, you can just live a carefree life, not give any money, no responsibility, mess up the whole house, order them around, make them pay for you, and they will still think that YOU ARE THE BEST CHILD ON EARTH EVERYONE SHOULD WORSHIP AND FOLLOW YOUR FOOSTEPS!

“It really sucks being the not favorite one ”