Wondering mind

Moody these days.

I am feeling not right.
I can’t focus.
I can’t think straight.
My brain cannot function like it used to.
My leg hurts.
I burp.
I fart. A lot.
I think I am depressed….
Or maybe stressed.
I don’t know.

But my stomach knows. Lately, I seem to be hungry very fast…. and all the time and I am mostly filled with internal gasses, which sometimes comes out from above or below…unknowingly. It’s disgusting, I know. So, I better take good care of my tummy before it becomes severe and turn into gastric. But I can’t eat much. Due to my hurt knee. The nerves are inflamed! So I can’t eat anything I like. I love toufu, I love fuchuk, I love bayam… and I can’t eat them! I feel miserable! Life has no colour anymore when I can’t eat my favorite food!

Besides that… I am worried. I can’t focus. I think my subconscious mind is worried about something. Something that my conscious mind refuses to acknowledge. Something that I am to lazy to make a change about it. So now my conscious mind and subconscious mind is like having friction against each other. Remember the saying, “bersatu teguh bercerai roboh”?? no wonder my body is in the ‘roboh’ state. I hate the feeling that I cannot control myself. I lose control of my focus, my thinking, my attention. I am just plain lazy to make any change. LAZY! Aha! That is the point! I hate myself for being lazy.

Because I still have not figured out what to do.

Come on brain! Work together lah… I am suffering here!