good and bad

Hello! This is me, reporting from Kuala Terengganu.
If you thought I might be kidnapped due to my absense in updating here,
thank you for your concern. I am alive and well. Very limited access to internet here.
I am just a little not too well due to the bloody cold and cough..
been here since last wednesday and has been sick till today...
still coughing my lungs out!!! FML
if there is any miracle medicine for curing cough, I would like to try!

Living here now is super free and easy
no worries, no problems, no stress, no pollution, no nothing...
basically so carefree and oh yah... no money problems too!
No outlet to spend my money so no money problems lah! Ahahhahaha
Though my debts are still in existance no matter how hard I try to leave the sad past behind me!

now I have plenty of time to think about what I want in life..
errm.... its like what I would like to do in life a.k.a. for a living as money don't fall from the sky
“cheh!” is probably the response I would get from many, but to me this is a serious dilema
I cant be living off my life incomeless and stress free!wtf
I can take the 'stress free' part willingly, but the 'incomeless' part...
(*waching with hands tied matching bra sets flying away! FML!!that is ultimate misery)
for God's sake, why do they have such words of misery??

personally, I think i work better in a stressful conditions
it will also indirectly act as a 'size' control agent for me i.e. stress makes me thin WTF
hahahhahahhahaaaa.....

sometimes, I dream of going back to work in 'my' office..
Note: how I used 'my'... I am actually referring to my first love (*emo)
when I used to be working at office, I used to envy those who lived a carefree life
work without going to office, can dress fancily as and when they wished...
now, that I am so free, not working, I dont see me dressing up at all!! FML!!
I dont want to not be able to dress up! I love dressing up!!
although I admit that I am pretty lazy sometimes, (ok. Most of the times)
but I need a place to show off my new clothes, new accessories, new style...
SHOW OFF! That is what I like to do! HAHHAHAHHAHAAHHAA
eg. now that I have a new silk baju kurung.... I crave the satisfaction I get when people honestly praise me when I wear it! Omg! I think I am an attention seeker! Hahahhahahaa
btw, I like it best when people envy my small collection of earrings... ahem! *blushes

living the carefree style is also what I liked, wanted and wished for every day!!
The best part is not having to get up early for work!
I can get up anytime I want!!! super love this okay!!!
alarm clock is a thing in the past! HAHAHA no more sad and dreadful mornings!
I can kiss fireboy as long as I want and fall asleep again on his fat belly!! *hugs baby pooh!
I can go anywhere I want, anytime I like and as long as I wished!!
I secretly enjoy the feeling when I see people having to go to office dreadfully! *evil

there are pro and cons for everything.....
working in office means fixed working times.
Fixed working times means you are supposed to work at the fixed time and you dont need to work at all during your free time a.k.a weekends and holidays
fixed working times also means that you cannot go anywhere anytime you want i.e. your physical body is stationed in the office

working in office means fixed income.
Fixed income means you can budget your spending and you are assured of a fixed amount of positive balance in your bank account every end of the month.
Fixed income also means that your bank balance can never go higher unless you sit on your boss lap and get an increment every month i.e. if you're stuck with debts, you're gonna be stucked with it for a long long time unless you can live a life eating maggi every meal!

Working on your own means there is no one to control you
no control means you can do anything you like at anytime you want only having to answer to yourself. Start work at any time and wear anything you like which is suitable TO YOU.
No control also means that you tend to be lazy and only do the minimum required. There wont be any guideline to follow or to fall back.

Working on your own means fluctuating income
fluctuating income means that you have to chance to make it big. Your income can be so high that people's nose will bleed if they know the exact figure or it can be so low that beggers can laugh at you and slap your head! It all depends on how you manage your finances. Its like a gamble, only that this gamble allows you to up your chances of winning by proper financial management.
Fluctuating income also means that not only the beggers will laugh at you but you would need lots of courange and determination to stand strong should you fall down. And that means a hell lot of stength!

So now, what should I choose?
Risk and gamble when I am still young or play safe all life?