Just being me

People change.
Either is for good or the other way round. It depends on each individual’s opinion. Let me share something very common in the world: Gossip.

Why do people gossip? So that each person can share their point of view to others and some likes to add flavorings to it. Some view it as a tool to keep in touch with distant relation. Whatever is it… gossip is nothing alien to everyone.

Let me share a story… it’s not a gossip, it’s not any breaking news… it’s just something in me which I FEEL like telling it out for a long long time, but I guess today is a special day as I did take the initiative to type it out.

Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion. And if you feel like you are in anyway related to what I am going to write soon, I don’t care. You can stop reading. I won’t bother to state that this is real life or just a fiction; I’ll leave it for you to judge.

I am very much blessed to have many close friends. Some have evolved from close to very close or to any extreme level you can think of. Along my primary and lower secondary years, I have 4 very close friends, which I thank God that we are still now. We share a special bond which not many people do. Five of us, all girls have been together in the same class, same school for many many years… some since kindergarten! When we joined a co-ed school during our higher secondary, two illegal immigrants somehow managed to fit themselves in. These two boys were strangers to us. Strangers at first, then became close friends and now, instead of us regarding ourselves as the FIVE of us, we then became SEVEN of us.

The first immigrant is A. He was a real Chinaman. He looked really matured for his age and always acts like an uncle with the serious look. Between us, grew a very special bond which I end up regarding him as my ah gor. We shared many secrets during school time as he was one who lived the furthest and had to pass by my housing area when coming to town. Conversations during the journey for meet ups were uplifting as I was a stubborn headed girl and had many problems with my family. He advised me a lot and thanks to him, it changed me dramatically. He thought me what it meant to grow up. He was one person back then which I could cry my heart out to when I was sad and feel like crying. Thank you very much for being there for me when I needed guidance and a place to turn to the most.

Life goes on for each and everyone and we cannot just sit and wish for time to remain as back then, during childhood. All will go through different phases of life; to which one phase that I am referring to now is the ‘found-the-potential-life-partner’ phase.

So when A found his love, everyone was happy for him. However, I felt something changed. The feeling that he is further and further away from us… Perhaps some people would spend more time with their other half or/and their common friends or/and their other half friends. Let me emphasize that there is absolutely nothing wrong here. Still with the distant feeling, A did try his best to maintain the connection like trying to occasionally organize gatherings, or even a simple hi. One thing I am very very proud to say is that he is always there. He never talks bad about anyone and complains about other people. Whenever you call him, or even just to say a simple hello… there will always be something nice to hear. If ever he is busy, he would just simply let me know that he is busy.

Second immigrant, B is someone who simply acts cute. A bright student but always acts childish. Someone whom we can always bully.. and he is always the mummy boy.. so we regard him as the President of Some Ladies Association. Someone who is always online and I finally regard him as my online chat buddy. Helpful; I wouldn’t say he isn’t, Friendly; I wouldn’t say he isn’t, Nice; I wouldn’t say he isn’t. One think I am sure is that he is the favorite among us girls and we felt like he is one of us and is where we can be protective over him, like his big sisters. He was obsessed with everything about Technology and IT and so we would always turn to him whenever we have any problems, but not so anymore. We found better and more helpful gurus along the way… hahhaaha.. what an ungrateful lot we are… or.. I am… lol..

So now our dearest brother is all grown up. He is a man of his own and has just recently found the love of his life. We are all very happy for him and wished him all the best.

And then I noticed something. Long time ago, B used to gossip with me about A about how he distant himself… not wanting to join with us anymore i.e. abandoning his childhood friends (us) and how he swears that it will never happen to him. I remembered that he said he will not do like what A does and will balance himself between his friends and his lover. He said that he will be a good friend and a good boyfriend. Nothing will change, unlike A. He will always remain a good friend as usual.

Things changed. Situation changed. People changed. People forget.

Then people just forget about what they said about others and did the same, or what I felt, even worse. Not only B cannot do whatever B professed that he will do, he even forget to think of how others will feel. He is no more a good friend. He became a stranger again.

I feel sad. Felt sad that he will no longer be my online chat buddy. Felt sad that when he becomes someone’s lover, he totally stripped of the ‘friend’ in him.

How can I complain? Who am I? I WAS just a friend from the past.

I admit that I am an attention seeker. I love people pampering me and winning all the time. I like it when people reply me politely when I talk to them. Sometimes, I am bad when the mood is not right. I am sometimes rude and impolite. I don’t behave like the normal girl who is always nice to everyone. But I just hate it when people treated me differently from last time… worse off. If they are always like that, I am alright with it. I just hate people who say bad things about others and end up doing just what they said and even worse off.

I think it’s left with SIX of us now. I am just being me.